🌊 The Wolf of Fraud Street
A court rules US cheese can count as "gruyere," Black market for Girl Scout cookies, and the Heinz Ketchup survivor
With 610 days to go until the 2024 presidential election, 4 candidates have already entered the race. The qualifications to run for president are really simple: 1) Be 35+ years old; 2) Natural born citizen; 3) Live in the US for 14+ years. Alas, the framers did not deem "proficient in PowerPoint" essential for the Commander in Chief role...
In today's edition:
A court rules US cheese can count as "gruyere"
Black market for Girl Scout cookies
The Heinz Ketchup survivor
🔑 Key Stories
Leo + Kim + FBI
The FBI questioned Kim Kardashian and Leonardo DiCaprio over a massive fraud, per new FBI docs
The scheme involved Jho Low, a man wanted for stealing $4.5B from the Malaysian government. Low – who is likely living in China – invested the money widely
Low financed The Wolf of Wall Street, in which DiCaprio starred. In the new docs DiCaprio said, “I was working for [Low].” He called Low “my man” and Low called him “LDogg.” They discussed opening a DiCaprio theme park, a resort, and more
Kardashian said Low paid for $100k of her wedding fireworks and took her gambling until 5 AM in Vegas
After gambling, Kim said Low refused to allow her to return $350k in winnings. Kim ended up leaving with “a trash bag full of $100 bills” amounting to $250k
Iran Nears Nuke
Iran is near to obtaining a nuclear bomb, according to a new UN report
Uranium is 99.7% uranium-238 and .3% uranium-235. For nuclear power, uranium must be enriched until it’s 3-5% uranium-235; for a bomb, it must be enriched until it’s 85-90% uranium-235
Per the UN, Iran has enriched uranium to 83.7% – just short of what’s needed for a bomb. Following the news, Iran said it will cooperate more with the UN
The US and Israel have said they will not allow Iran to get a nuclear weapon, and Israel’s leader reiterated Sunday that Israel is “permitted” to attack Iran
Israel is believed to have assassinated Iranian nuclear scientists and launched cyberattacks at its nuclear program. Meanwhile Iran arms Islamist groups that attack Israeli citizens
Here We Call It, “Gruyere”
US cheese can count as “gruyere,” a court ruled
The EU says certain food products must come from certain places, i.e. champagne must come from a region of France, or gruyere, a swiss cheese, must come from France or Switzerland. The rulings don’t apply in the US
French and Swiss cheesemakers had applied for a trademark so American cheese couldn’t be “gruyere”
On Friday, a US court ruled that "The record makes clear: cheese consumers in the United States understand 'GRUYERE' to refer to a type of cheese,” meaning cheese from anywhere can be gruyere
"Cheese – regardless of its location of production – has been labeled and sold as gruyere in America for decades,” the court said
Former President Trump Speaks at CPAC
Trump delivered the headline speech at CPAC – one of the top events of the year for the Republican party
CPAC is an annual meeting of top conservatives. This year’s speakers included Republican officials, former Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro, and others
Neither former VP Pence nor Florida governor DeSantis – both seen as likely Trump challengers – attended
In the main speech, Trump said, “I am the only candidate who can make this promise: I will prevent world war 3”; “For those who have been wronged and betrayed: I am your retribution”; and “We are going to finish what we started”
"Republicans must compete using every lawful means to win,” he said. “That means swamping the left with mail-in votes, early votes, and election-day votes. Have to do it. We have to change our thinking"
“In 2016, I declared: I am your voice. Today, I add: I am your warrior. I am your justice. And for those who have been wronged and betrayed: I am your retribution”
Interested in skincare? Beware of toxins
Together with Jackfir
Jackfir is a new responsible and clean men’s skincare company. When Jackfir founder Charlie Razook was diagnosed with leukemia, he became acutely aware of toxins in his daily life
The treatment he underwent dried out his skin, but he could not find a replacement for his chemical-filled personal care products – so he created his own solution
So many brands say they are clean, but how do you know? Jackfir is highly certified by third parties to remove any doubt!
According to a Harvard study, men die on average five years earlier than women. While Jackfir does not claim to make you live longer, they do believe that incremental steps like minimizing one’s toxic burden can help contribute to an overall healthier lifestyle
Jackfir’s skincare products are some of the cleanest on the market, as certified by third parties. Clean up your bathroom routine with Jackfir! Always clean, always effective
Ja Wick: Memphis Grizzlies star guard Ja Morant was suspended 2 games for posing with a gun on Instagram Live early Saturday morning
Knockout at the box office: Creed III starring Michael B. Jordan had a knockout box office debut, reeling in $58M in the US and $100M globally
Have a confection to make..: Chocolate bar Toblerone is getting rid of the Swiss mountain slope on its packaging after it moved some of its production out of Switzerland
New territory, who dis? A Pennsylvania woman who went missing 30 years ago was found in Puerto Rico. Now 82 years old, she is living in an adult care home
Early action Madness: Fairleigh Dickinson has qualified for March Madness before its conference championship game since its opponent is tourney-ineligible
"Yo, you slinging thin mints?" A cookie shortage has resulted in a Girl Scout cookies selling on eBay and other sites for exorbitant prices
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🌯 Roca Wrap
In late December, Elvis Francois was making repairs to a sailboat off the Caribbean Island of St. Maarten, where he lived. Suddenly, the tide began pulling his boat out to sea.
"I called my friends, they tried to contact me, but I lost the signal,” Francois later recalled. “There was nothing else to do but sit and wait." He scratched the word “help” into the ship’s body and began to drift.
Francois had no navigation knowledge or idea of how to use a sailboat. He later told authorities he was “lost and disoriented at sea” and that “his efforts to maneuver the boat” didn’t work.
All he had to eat was a bottle of ketchup, garlic powder, and Maggi seasoning cubes – like the flavoring in Ramen packets. "I mixed everything with water to survive,” Francois later said. “There was nothing else to do but sit and wait”.
He drifted for 23 days. Then on the 24th, he saw a plane fly overhead. He flicked a mirror at the sun to try to get the pilot’s attention, then the pilot circled back "When I saw him pass twice, I realized that they had seen me," Francois later said.
The pilot notified the Colombian navy, which reached him soon after and brought him to safety.
Doctors said Francois was in good health and sent him home.
Weeks later, Francois’ story started getting international media attention. It eventually reached Heinz, the ketchup company whose product Francois had survived on. Heinz posted on Instagram to ask for help in reaching Francois.
The post said Heinz wanted to celebrate the “brave sailor who survived on nothing but ketchup and spices while adrift at sea for 24 days” by buying him a new boat. It went viral with "#FindKetchupBoatGuy," and Heinz said it reached 5M people and received 4,000 likes, more than any other Heinz post.
As the media attention grew, it emerged that Francois was originally from Dominica, another Caribbean Island. He had moved to St. Maarten a year prior in search of a better life after his home had burned down.
The Colombian government had returned Francois to Dominica because it was his country of nationality, but he had to live in the remains of his burned-down house. "I just blocked up a side, and that's how I'm living for the time,” he said. "Trying to go in the market, and see if I could sell produce, but after a year there's nothing much in the soil.”
In the end, a Dominica news outlet connected Heinz with Francois. "Heinz was able to contact Elvis and discuss the best way to help support him and his family," the company said. "Heinz and Elvis are working out the logistical details of gifting him his new boat."
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🧠 Final Thoughts
We hope everyone had great weekends. Shout-out to the Heinz guy, although we have to ask: Our pantries currently have nothing in them but ramen and Heinz ketchup, so why don't we get a boat?
See you tomorrow.
–Max and Max